It is morning and I'm in my favorite chair. The dishwasher is sloshing rhythmically in the next room. It's peaceful - like waves rolling in at the beach. I can see messy tufts of hair stick out from behind the computer monitor where my son is playing. And the puppy is happily chewing by the back door (hopefully on a dog toy and not my shoes). Regardless, when I pause long enough to notice, I see how very blessed I am.
And yet it is not enough; I want more. I need a job, a mission, a hobby, a calling. I want to pour my heart into something (and ideally be paid for it too). Where I stumble is in the choosing. Shall I pursue writing? photography? Should I get a “real” job and work in a cubicle? Or perhaps I should become a teacher, a mentor, or a coach? I don't know where to begin – and so I don't begin at all.
I guess this is my mini midlife crisis – the midlife crisis of a spoiled housewife no less. I'm very lucky to have such a dilemma. Many are struggling to get by in jobs they hate or wishing they had any job at all. I have options. I have a year before I need to start contributing financially. An entire year to uncover my path. So I will search my soul and write. I will pour my heart onto the page and hope it leads me somewhere. If it doesn't, that is fine too. I can keep dreaming and have a cubicle job too.
In the meantime, I'll take action. I will no longer let guilt, indecision, or cowardice keep me from starting. I even have a plan. I'm going to use dice to determine my path du jour. I feel like the roll of the dice puts my path into the realm of fate and God. Even if it is just random, it gives me somewhere to start. And if one path doesn't feel right, then I'll try another. At least I'll be trying.
Anyway, it works like this . . . I roll the dice and read them from left to right. The first tells me what to write and the second tells me where to find inspiration. For this post, I rolled a one and a three. Maybe after enough posts, you can guess what the dice meanings are. I could use some help naming my dice inspired plan. “Dice Directed Dream Pursuit” does not really cut it. Any ideas?